{"id":8295,"date":"2016-01-12T21:00:49","date_gmt":"2016-01-13T02:00:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/moonrider7.com\/en\/?p=8295"},"modified":"2016-03-28T20:10:13","modified_gmt":"2016-03-29T00:10:13","slug":"jeffs-tips-to-maintain-a-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/moonrider7.com\/en\/2016\/01\/12\/jeffs-tips-to-maintain-a-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"Jeff’s Tips to Maintain a Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"

Hi,<\/p>\n

It is Jeff. To continue the previous article I wrote about the other side of our stories<\/a>, I want to talk about how to maintain a relationship, especially in a foreign country.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"2011-10-09
Jeff, Doraemon and Mizuki<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

As a foreigner in Japan, I found it extremely excluded and lonely sometimes. <\/span><\/p>\n

Especially when I first came to Japan. I did not know much Japanese.<\/span><\/p>\n

I remember one time I accidentally cut my finger when I was working part-time at a restaurant at Asakusa.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

I was even not able to get medicine for my wound.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"Jeff
Jeff Working at an Izakaya<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

The pharmacy staff told me that he could not help me if I could not explain what I need in Japanese. <\/span><\/p>\n

That was in 2011, before most pharmacy stores hire Chinese-speaking staffs. <\/span><\/p>\n

I called the only number in my phone besides Mizuki, and that is Mizuki\u2019s mom\u2019s number. <\/span><\/p>\n

Unfortunately, she did not pick up. <\/span><\/p>\n

I stood in front of the pharmacy store feeling extremely helpless and did not know what to do. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Being in a relationship and maintaining it is very difficult. <\/span><\/p>\n

It can be more difficult if you are in a foreign country and when you are the outsider. <\/span><\/p>\n

There are 3 major factors that help me and Mizuki overcome the hardships we had and I would like to share them with you: <\/span><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Mutual Social Support Group<\/span><\/li>\n
  2. Independent Social Support Group<\/span><\/li>\n
  3. Anger Management<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    \u00a0<\/p>\n

    \n
    Mutual Social Support Group<\/span><\/h5>\n<\/blockquote>\n

    It is essential to share some mutual friends with your partner. <\/span><\/p>\n

    Those friends are very important. They can<\/span><\/p>\n

    \u30fbHelp you see arguments with your partner from a more objective perspective.\u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

    \u30fbBe the middleman who stimulate communication when you and your partner are in a \u201ccold war\u201d situation. <\/span><\/p>\n

    \u00a0<\/p>\n

    \"20120502_225254\"
    Our mutual friends – Mizuki’s family<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

    To us, the mutual social support group members are Mizuki\u2019s family. <\/span><\/p>\n

    I am very lucky that they treated me as part of the family long before I am married to Mizuki.<\/span><\/p>\n

    \u00a0<\/p>\n

    \n
    Independent Social Support Group<\/span><\/h5>\n<\/blockquote>\n

    As a foreigner in Japan, I had no friends when I first moved here in 2011. <\/span><\/p>\n

    I basically had no one to talk to besides Mizuki when I had worries or things I want to share. <\/span><\/p>\n

    I went to my part-time job in the morning and came home about 2PM and waited for Mizuki to come home around 7PM. EVERYDAY. <\/span><\/p>\n

    I felt I was disconnected to the world and I felt unbalanced. <\/span><\/p>\n

    Having my own social support group helps me to feel connected to the world again. <\/span><\/p>\n

    It helps me to keep my emotion more stable to communicate with Mizuki better. <\/span><\/p>\n

    My independent social support group is Katsuma Academy<\/a>, a private learning community. <\/span><\/p>\n

    At there, I can focus on learning new things and forget about the difficulties that I had with Mizuki.<\/span><\/p>\n

    \u00a0<\/p>\n

    \n
    Anger Management<\/span><\/h5>\n<\/blockquote>\n

    \u00a0With limited social support group back in 2011 when I first moved to Japan, I did not have much channels to let my anger and negative energy to exit my mind. <\/span><\/p>\n

    I jogged for 30 minutes every morning so I can better keep my energy level and emotion at a more stable state throughout the day.<\/span><\/p>\n

    \u00a0However, that was not enough. Because Mizuki and I grew up in different backgrounds and in different cultural settings, I often have culture shocks and they often lead to arguments when I am with Mizuki. <\/span><\/p>\n

    I tried to avoid as much argument as I could so I often kept those negative energy within me and that was not healthy at all. <\/span><\/p>\n

    In order to get the anger out of myself, I made a \u201cHate Journal.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

    It is a notebook where I wrote down things I do not like, specifically about Mizuki’s behaviors and thinkings. I even planed to end the relationship after I put down 100 unhappy stories. I just checked the Hate Journal, I stopped at stories 22, 2 years ago.<\/span><\/p>\n

    I often write with very strong words so I can get my anger all out. <\/span><\/p>\n

    Most important thing is, I keep it in a very secure place that no one can find and I only keep it to myself. The main point is not to hurt anyone but to help myself to stay calm and think clearly.<\/span><\/p>\n

    I actually do not go back to it and read it after writing.<\/span><\/p>\n

    \"IMG_2245-COLLAGE\"
    Jeff and Mizuki – NOW!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

    I still keep that notebook so I know that I always have an exit for my anger. <\/span><\/p>\n

    Hope these tips are helpful to you.\u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

    How do you manage to maintain a relationship with your partner? <\/span><\/p>\n

    It would be nice to hear your stories. <\/span><\/p>\n

    Please comment down below. <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    It is Jeff. To continue the previous article I wrote about the other side of our stories, I want to talk about how to maintain a relationship, especially in a foreign country.Being in a relationship and maintaining it is very difficult. It can be more difficult if you are in a foreign country and when you are the outsider. There are 3 major factors that help me and Mizuki overcome the hardships we had and I would like to share them with you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7968,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[138],"tags":[108,87,104],"class_list":["post-8295","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-our-love-story","tag-about-us","tag-international-relationship","tag-parents"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/moonrider7.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8295","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/moonrider7.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/moonrider7.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/moonrider7.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/moonrider7.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8295"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/moonrider7.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8295\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8296,"href":"https:\/\/moonrider7.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8295\/revisions\/8296"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/moonrider7.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7968"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/moonrider7.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8295"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/moonrider7.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8295"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/moonrider7.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8295"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}