{"id":8336,"date":"2015-08-24T12:40:57","date_gmt":"2015-08-24T16:40:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/moonrider7.com\/en\/?p=8336"},"modified":"2016-03-28T21:36:10","modified_gmt":"2016-03-29T01:36:10","slug":"do-not-let-your-disability-become-a-wall-shutting-love-out","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/moonrider7.com\/en\/2015\/08\/24\/do-not-let-your-disability-become-a-wall-shutting-love-out\/","title":{"rendered":"Do Not Let Your Disability Become A Wall Shutting Love Out"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\"\"<\/a><\/div>\n
I started writing a post in BASE inc last month,\u00a0<\/span>but only Japanese is available in the website.\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n

Today I released a new post, and translated it to English.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

== Updated on March 28, 2016 ==<\/p>\n

BASE inc. will be closed by the end of March in 2016.<\/p>\n

You can read the original article in Japanese from here.<\/p>\n

========================<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Do Not Let Your Disability Become A Wall Shutting Love Out<\/span><\/h3>\n

I have never asked anyone out before. I never ever had the courage to do that.<\/span><\/p>\n

Like other ordinary girls, I had dreamed of being in a relationship. <\/span><\/p>\n

However, as I grow up, I realized what I can do and what I cannot do with my wheelchair. <\/span><\/p>\n

I had thought that being in a relationship is not possible as long as I am living with my wheelchair.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

When I was 12 years old, my teacher asked me to write a letter to the future me aged 20 years old. <\/span><\/p>\n

I remember that I wanted to ask the future me in the letter if I would get married by 20 years old. <\/span><\/p>\n

However I couldn’t ask so because I thought that I could never get married because I am in wheelchair, and I didn’t want to make myself feeling sad when I read the letter 8 years later.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Why didn\u2019t I have the courage to pursue my happiness in a relationship? <\/span><\/p>\n

Because I was so afraid to be rejected. I would be fine if the reasons are something I can fix. <\/span><\/p>\n

However, I was distressed if he rejects me due to my disability. <\/span><\/p>\n

Since I had achieved so many things in spite of walking disability in my life, I was more scared to be turned down due to my disability which I cannot do anything by myself.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I had kept these complicated thoughts to myself in my teenager day. <\/span><\/p>\n

Luckily, I finally got a boyfriend for the first time in my life when I was 20 years old. <\/span><\/p>\n

My life completely changed since then. <\/span><\/p>\n

I know different people wants different things from a relationship. <\/span><\/p>\n

However I want to share what I\u2019ve learnt with people with disabilities and who are nervous to be in a relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\uff11\uff0eYou deserved to be loved.\u00a0Give other chances to love you.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0<\/div>\n
\"\"<\/a><\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/div>\n

My first boyfriend is from Taiwan. <\/span><\/p>\n

His name is Jeff. We met in the U.S. where I went to college He asked me to go out first, and kept contacting me everyday. <\/span><\/p>\n

At this point, many people would notice that \u201cDoes he like me?\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

But I didn\u2019t have a clue. <\/span><\/p>\n

Actually I was suspecting that \u201cHe must have other purposes. <\/span>I am not going to be fooled!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I thought this way because I never imagined someone would ever falls in love with me, a person in wheelchair, at first sight. <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

When I told him this thought, he had a big laugh and said,<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhen I saw you on campus, I thought your smile is really beautiful. <\/span><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know why, but I totally didn\u2019t pay attention to your wheelchair then. <\/span><\/p>\n

I was focusing on talking to you when I found you at the party.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I finally realized that my thought, \u201cI, wheelchair user, cannot be in a relationship\u201d was wrong when I found out Jeff\u2019s true thoughts. <\/span><\/p>\n

The burden in my heart became really lighter. <\/span><\/p>\n

When people falls in love with someone, the disability should not be a barrier stopping love. <\/span><\/p>\n

That is one I learnt by meeting him.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\uff12\uff0e Be a better person. Treat each other well.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\"\"<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Boyfriend\/girlfriend is different from either friend or family. <\/span><\/p>\n

You should not be too selfish like how you interact with your family. <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

On the other hand, you don\u2019t need to keep a distance like you do to your friend. <\/span><\/p>\n

Since he was my first boyfriend, it was hard to manage the proper distance with him at first.<\/span><\/p>\n

When I was in Japan, I was a very self-centered person, because I was always treated \u201cspecially\u201d everywhere. <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Not too long after we started dating,\u00a0 he got tired with my selfish behaviors, and said one day, \u201cYou have been always given what you want in life, haven’t you?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I was very shocked he said that. <\/span><\/p>\n

Then I realized that \u201cHe is my boyfriend, not my family or friend. <\/span><\/p>\n

If he loses his feeling of \u201clove\u201d, we cannot be together. <\/span><\/p>\n

I have to learn to understand his feeling.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Of course, I would ask him for a help on things that I cannot do on my own. <\/span><\/p>\n

However, asking for helps may give him stress. <\/span><\/p>\n

I can make him happy by giving something in return. <\/span><\/p>\n

I can motivate him by showing my positive thoughts and actions. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBeing a woman who he can respect.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

I consider this is very important to continue this relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\uff13\uff0eIt is okay if you have something you cannot do. If he really loves you, he is willing to figure things out together with you.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\"\"<\/a><\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/div>\n

Even if I got a super awesome boyfriend, the things I cannot do in daily life haven\u2019t changed at all.<\/span><\/p>\n

There are stairs in front of restaurant. <\/span><\/p>\n

The movie theater seats which wheelchair user can access are limited. <\/span><\/p>\n

It takes twice as much time to go somewhere via train while traveling with me. <\/span><\/p>\n

There are bunch of barriers outside even if I want to go out for a date. <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWho\u2019s gonna date with wheelchair user? <\/span><\/p>\n

I pay close attention even to friends when going out\u2026\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

I had been thinking in this way in the past.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Don\u2019t worry. <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A person who really loves you has a different point of view. <\/span><\/p>\n

He doesn\u2019t get mad at something you cannot do because of your disability.<\/span><\/p>\n

For him, \u201cgoing to a restaurant with stairs\u201d or \u201cTake a train on time\u201d are not on his priority list. <\/span><\/p>\n

What he wants to do the most is spending fun time with you.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Jeff often says<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThis restaurant might not be convenient for us”.<\/span><\/p>\n

“There should be another route for us.”<\/span><\/p>\n

There are places we cannot go, or things we cannot do because of my disability. <\/span><\/p>\n

However, he always says it\u2019s about \u201cus\u201d. <\/span><\/p>\n

You don\u2019t need to blame things you can\u2019t do too much. <\/span><\/p>\n

Please find the best way with your partner in the journey of love.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Everyone deserves to be happy. Don\u2019t give up on being in a relationship.<\/strong>\u00a0<\/h4>\n
\"\"<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n

This spring I married Jeff, my very first boyfriend who told me many important things. <\/span><\/p>\n

We were in a long distance relationship cross the pacific ocean for 4 years, lived together in Japan for another 4 years, and finally came to here we are today. <\/span><\/p>\n

I really appreciate what he has done and put his heart right next to me at all times. <\/span><\/p>\n

We will continue supporting strongly each other as\u00a0 husband and wife from now on.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Being in a relationship cannot be done by only 1 person. <\/span><\/p>\n

It takes two people to complete. I love someone, and the someone needs to love me back. <\/span><\/p>\n

In this world, there are 7 billion people and nobody knows who and where the right person is. <\/span><\/p>\n

It is so hard, but it is worthy. <\/span><\/p>\n

Therefore people still want to find the one to witness the miracle moment.<\/span><\/p>\n

The chance is given to people with disabilities, of course. <\/span><\/p>\n

Disability should not be a wall, shutting love out.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Why don\u2019t you make a first step, go beyond that wall?<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I started writing a post in BASE inc last month,\u00a0but only Japanese is available in the website.\u00a0 Today I released a new post, and translated it to English.\u00a0 \u00a0 == Updated on March 28, 2016 == BASE inc. will be<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":7246,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[129,138,128],"tags":[88,87],"class_list":["post-8336","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advocate","category-our-love-story","category-study-abroad","tag-international-marriage","tag-international-relationship"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/moonrider7.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8336","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/moonrider7.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/moonrider7.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/moonrider7.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/moonrider7.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8336"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/moonrider7.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8336\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8343,"href":"https:\/\/moonrider7.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8336\/revisions\/8343"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/moonrider7.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7246"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/moonrider7.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8336"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/moonrider7.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8336"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/moonrider7.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8336"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}