{"id":9337,"date":"2016-05-02T19:00:05","date_gmt":"2016-05-02T23:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/moonrider7.com\/en\/?p=9337"},"modified":"2016-05-23T08:14:50","modified_gmt":"2016-05-23T12:14:50","slug":"what-mom-said-about-dating-with-disability-part-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/moonrider7.com\/en\/2016\/05\/02\/what-mom-said-about-dating-with-disability-part-3\/","title":{"rendered":"What My Mom Said About Me Dating With A Wheelchair User \u2013 Part 3 – Shift of My Mom’s Attitude"},"content":{"rendered":"

In one of my favorite movies – the Matrix – when Neo met the Oracle for the first time, the Oracle implies that Neo is not the one who was supposed to save the world. When Neo was going to confess to Morpheus that Morpheus was looking at the wrong person\u00a0Morpheus told Neo that <\/span><\/p>\n

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“What was said was for you and for you alone.”\u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

I think the harsh words my mom said to me were only for me and for me alone. I needed those words to help me think more about the life choices I had made and I just realized that recently. <\/span><\/p>\n

I am worried that sharing exactly what my mom said will create unnecessary misunderstanding. Especially I am worried that Mizuki will take it in the wrong way since Mizuki does not know most of it. So I only share part of the stories. <\/span><\/p>\n

At the right time, your oracle will tell you what you need to hear to guide you. My oracle did it for me and I am very grateful. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"From
From the left to right: My mom, my dad and my brother. We were hiking somewhere in Keelung, Taiwan, in 2009.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

————- <\/span><\/p>\n

2011 Spring<\/span><\/h2>\n

Mizuki and I had been in a long distance relationship for about 4 years at the time. We were working respectively in Tokyo and in Taipei. We talked about moving in together at some point in our life but we did not have things planned out and we did not really know how to make it happen. <\/span><\/p>\n

On March 11th, 2011, a massive earthquake hit Japan<\/strong><\/span>. I lost contact with Mizuki for about a day. I could not reach her on her cell phone. I was very worried so I asked a colleague of mine, who is fluent in Japanese to call the company Mizuki was working with at the time but the phone line cannot be connected.\u00a0(I could not speak Japanese at the time.) Later on, internet at Tokyo started to work before phone line were connected and I was able to connect with Mizuki. I found that elevators were stopped for security reasons. Because of that, Mizuki\u2019s mobility was even more limited. <\/span>Mizuki was lucky that one of her coworkers helped carrying her wheelchair while she is moving upstairs and downstairs by herself. However, <\/span>she was not able to go outside and could only stay in her apartment <\/span>without other\u2019s help.<\/span><\/p>\n

On March 13th, the elevator at Mizuki\u2019s apartment started operating and Mizuki ran out to get some food and found the crowd at convenient stores is overwhelmingly crowded.<\/span><\/p>\n

The earthquake also hit Fukushima nuclear power plant, which supplies electricity to residents and corporations in Tokyo. Since the nuclear power plant was damaged, there was not enough power at Tokyo to supply daily power consumption, Tokyo started \u201cSetsuden*\u201d campaign to urge people to decrease consumption of power <\/span>along with other 8 prefectures<\/span>. There was a period of time that Tokyo, in order to secure electricity source, implemented scheduled blackouts in its 23 main cities and minor districts in turns. Those blackouts and <\/span>continuing aftershocks<\/span> also limited Mizuki\u2019s mobility. There was one week that Mizuki could not go out because the elevator was not operational due to the blackout. The food she had was only enough to support her for one week. I was very worried. <\/span>The apartment she lived at the time cannot be accessed without a key. Mizuki\u2019s friends were not able to bring her food unless Mizuki somehow managed to go downstairs by herself and unlock the gate.<\/span><\/p>\n

Ever since the earthquake, I could not help but paid a lot of attention on news about the nuclear power plant in Fukushima. The situation was getting worse each day as people found the nuclear rod inside the plant melt and its damage was not forecastable. I asked Mizuki to come to Taiwan. I also asked Mizuki if her family would like to come to Taiwan and live here with me. Mizuki refused and said she wanted to continue her career for a little longer. I was very very worried.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"I
I visited Tokyo 1 week after the massive earthquake. The news about Fukushima nuclear power plant was worrying. The news said the rain in Tokyo contains radiation. I was worried and I was not sure what to do. I brought 80 packs of masks and wear hat at most of the time in hope to protect ourselves from radiation.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I was so worried that I could not focus at work. Then I made a decision to quit my job and move to Tokyo. My parents were very unhappy when I told them my plan of moving to Japan. My dad opposed the idea by saying that the living cost in Tokyo is too high and Japan has a tendency not to provide equal job opportunities to foreign talents. He also said I would suffer financially if I move to Tokyo. My mom only said, no. She did not state any reasons why she is against my idea. I think it was because she did not even want to give me a chance to defend my idea.<\/span><\/p>\n

In order to persuade my dad to support my plan, I made a 2-year cashflow chart and possible career plans to show my dad that moving to Tokyo is a logical and a beneficial career decision. (By the way, none of the cashflow charts nor the planned career plans came true. In fact, they are pretty far from reality.) He looked at my proposal and did not make any comments but just laughed. On the other hand, I had no idea how to approach to persuade my mom so I did not try anything on convincing my mom. I just focus on persuading my dad very hard. <\/span><\/p>\n

July, 2011.<\/span><\/h2>\n

Mizuki wanted to express her thoughts and feelings to my parents but the language barrier does not allow her to do so verbally. Therefore, she wrote a <\/span>letter<\/span> in <\/span>English<\/span> and I translated it to Chinese. Mizuki then hand-wrote it in Chinese characters one by one. (In Japanese culture, important message should always be handwritten. A typed letter is not considered as formal as a handwritten one.)<\/span><\/p>\n

\"Mizuki
Mizuki wrote a letter to my parents to help my parents understand Mizuki more and hoped to earn their trust.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

In order for Mizuki to show my parents that Mizuki would support me fully no matter what would happen after I move to Tokyo, Mizuki visited my parents in Taiwan in person. I think my dad was really touched when Mizuki handed him the Chinese handwritten letter. My dad finally granted his approval and let me go to Japan. He had asked one question after reading the letter. The question might be rude in Japanese culture but it is a very common question in Taiwan for parents to ask their future daughter-in-law or son-in-law. My dad asked if Mizuki is willing to carry a child for me. Mizuki was surprised by the question because we were just dating at the time and we had not talked about getting married at all. Later on when we were alone, Mizuki cried and said my dad was very rude to ask that question. I wanted to defend my dad but I did not want to make the misunderstanding worse so I did not say anything.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat was my dad thinking?\u201d I have been wondering later on.<\/span><\/p>\n

I think he probably pictured that I would only come home in Taiwan once in several years. He was sad and wondered if he would ever have a chance to see me and his grandchildren\u2019s faces. <\/span><\/p>\n

At the moment when my dad granted the approval for me to move to Japan, my mom started realizing she will not be able to stop me being with Mizuki so she gradually changes her attitude. On the day when Mizuki handed my dad the Chinese letter, for the very first time, my mom prepared some pears and offered them to Mizuki. Mizuki was surprised that my mom talked to her and offered her some fruits.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

To be continued:<\/span><\/p>\n

What My Mom Said About Me Dating With A Wheelchair User \u2013 Part 4 \u2013 My Mom Visiting Japan<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n