This article is also available in: 日本語
Hi,
It is Jeff. To continue the previous article I wrote about the other side of our stories, I want to talk about how to maintain a relationship, especially in a foreign country.
As a foreigner in Japan, I found it extremely excluded and lonely sometimes.
Especially when I first came to Japan. I did not know much Japanese.
I remember one time I accidentally cut my finger when I was working part-time at a restaurant at Asakusa.
I was even not able to get medicine for my wound.
The pharmacy staff told me that he could not help me if I could not explain what I need in Japanese.
That was in 2011, before most pharmacy stores hire Chinese-speaking staffs.
I called the only number in my phone besides Mizuki, and that is Mizuki’s mom’s number.
Unfortunately, she did not pick up.
I stood in front of the pharmacy store feeling extremely helpless and did not know what to do.
Being in a relationship and maintaining it is very difficult.
It can be more difficult if you are in a foreign country and when you are the outsider.
There are 3 major factors that help me and Mizuki overcome the hardships we had and I would like to share them with you:
- Mutual Social Support Group
- Independent Social Support Group
- Anger Management
Mutual Social Support Group
It is essential to share some mutual friends with your partner.
Those friends are very important. They can
・Help you see arguments with your partner from a more objective perspective.
・Be the middleman who stimulate communication when you and your partner are in a “cold war” situation.
To us, the mutual social support group members are Mizuki’s family.
I am very lucky that they treated me as part of the family long before I am married to Mizuki.
Independent Social Support Group
As a foreigner in Japan, I had no friends when I first moved here in 2011.
I basically had no one to talk to besides Mizuki when I had worries or things I want to share.
I went to my part-time job in the morning and came home about 2PM and waited for Mizuki to come home around 7PM. EVERYDAY.
I felt I was disconnected to the world and I felt unbalanced.
Having my own social support group helps me to feel connected to the world again.
It helps me to keep my emotion more stable to communicate with Mizuki better.
My independent social support group is Katsuma Academy, a private learning community.
At there, I can focus on learning new things and forget about the difficulties that I had with Mizuki.
Anger Management
With limited social support group back in 2011 when I first moved to Japan, I did not have much channels to let my anger and negative energy to exit my mind.
I jogged for 30 minutes every morning so I can better keep my energy level and emotion at a more stable state throughout the day.
However, that was not enough. Because Mizuki and I grew up in different backgrounds and in different cultural settings, I often have culture shocks and they often lead to arguments when I am with Mizuki.
I tried to avoid as much argument as I could so I often kept those negative energy within me and that was not healthy at all.
In order to get the anger out of myself, I made a “Hate Journal.”
It is a notebook where I wrote down things I do not like, specifically about Mizuki’s behaviors and thinkings. I even planed to end the relationship after I put down 100 unhappy stories. I just checked the Hate Journal, I stopped at stories 22, 2 years ago.
I often write with very strong words so I can get my anger all out.
Most important thing is, I keep it in a very secure place that no one can find and I only keep it to myself. The main point is not to hurt anyone but to help myself to stay calm and think clearly.
I actually do not go back to it and read it after writing.
I still keep that notebook so I know that I always have an exit for my anger.
Hope these tips are helpful to you.
How do you manage to maintain a relationship with your partner?
It would be nice to hear your stories.
Please comment down below.